Night of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave B-
the movie wasn't brilliant or anything, but the film and makeup quality was good, the was a scene with a bazooka, and the main girl was liek omg.
-MilkmanDan
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Fangs
Fangs D-
This lionsgate atrocity is set in the year 1998 and is about a race of genetically altered bats that are reeking havoc on a small town. The two main actors are horrible and have about as much chemistry as a creepy crawlers lab, and you think the main dudes daughter is hot until you realize that she weighs 30lbs and has no ass. Overall the script is predictable and lame with all of the jokes falling flat on their faces. The best character is the main dudes daughters boyfriend but he has about 3 lines rendering him ineffective. This movies bite is weak and sucks the blood out of the horror genre.
-Cook
This lionsgate atrocity is set in the year 1998 and is about a race of genetically altered bats that are reeking havoc on a small town. The two main actors are horrible and have about as much chemistry as a creepy crawlers lab, and you think the main dudes daughter is hot until you realize that she weighs 30lbs and has no ass. Overall the script is predictable and lame with all of the jokes falling flat on their faces. The best character is the main dudes daughters boyfriend but he has about 3 lines rendering him ineffective. This movies bite is weak and sucks the blood out of the horror genre.
-Cook
zodiac
zodiac A-
this film might go down as fincher's quintessential work. its got classic fincher darkness, swooping camera effects, plot/character elements are revealed rather than just shown, and he adds some time elapsed shit to his repitare that works well in this film. fine performances all around the board. it works as a period piece, thriller, murder mystery, and character sketch. wtf the animal cracker bit was pretty lame.
-granola attack!
this film might go down as fincher's quintessential work. its got classic fincher darkness, swooping camera effects, plot/character elements are revealed rather than just shown, and he adds some time elapsed shit to his repitare that works well in this film. fine performances all around the board. it works as a period piece, thriller, murder mystery, and character sketch. wtf the animal cracker bit was pretty lame.
-granola attack!
Fearless
Fearless: B-
Asshole arrogant unstoppable fighting machine Huo Yuanjia beats the shit out of every fighter in the city and gets so full of himself that he ends up destroying or alienating himself from everyone he could ever care about, with exile as the only true option. That is, until he rolls into Shanghai for a politically motivated fighting tournament that is created for the sole purpose of humiliating China. Jet Li has to save the reputation of China as a strong honorable nation through a series of fights, both physical and spiritual. The action moves at a strange pace though and I felt there was less action than there needed to be with Li's mediocre acting acting as a foundation for the film to be built upon just as much as his fighting ability.
-Josh C
Asshole arrogant unstoppable fighting machine Huo Yuanjia beats the shit out of every fighter in the city and gets so full of himself that he ends up destroying or alienating himself from everyone he could ever care about, with exile as the only true option. That is, until he rolls into Shanghai for a politically motivated fighting tournament that is created for the sole purpose of humiliating China. Jet Li has to save the reputation of China as a strong honorable nation through a series of fights, both physical and spiritual. The action moves at a strange pace though and I felt there was less action than there needed to be with Li's mediocre acting acting as a foundation for the film to be built upon just as much as his fighting ability.
-Josh C
Enron Smartest Guys in the Room
Enron Smartest Guys in the Room: A
This film chronicals the development of Enron as a company and traces its unethical evolution from a loop-hole exploiting corperate entity to a black hole of debt that it sought to repair itself by raping California to death amongst other things. I wash my paychecks were given to me on a mark to market basis.
-Josh C
This film chronicals the development of Enron as a company and traces its unethical evolution from a loop-hole exploiting corperate entity to a black hole of debt that it sought to repair itself by raping California to death amongst other things. I wash my paychecks were given to me on a mark to market basis.
-Josh C
Hills Have Eyes 2
Hills Have Eyes 2 B+
Gore was awesome and characters were surprislingly well developed and the movie actually made you care about them. Craven helped write the script so thats probably why it was acceptable.
-Cook
Gore was awesome and characters were surprislingly well developed and the movie actually made you care about them. Craven helped write the script so thats probably why it was acceptable.
-Cook
TMNT
TMNT: B
I was impressed with this film. It has rejuvenated my faith in computer animation in movies. The action was fast paced and reminded me of the old-school cartoons except amplified; their personalities were exaggerations of their traditional cartoon personas, the fights were better than anything the old animation could have delivered, and the new characters they introduced were actually badass instead of being fucking pokemon like I figured they would be. My only (I think only) criticism would be that I wish Donnie and Mike had bigger parts in the move. And that Casie Jones didn't listen to emo. Oh and who new that April knows how to fight? Anyone?
-Josh C
I was impressed with this film. It has rejuvenated my faith in computer animation in movies. The action was fast paced and reminded me of the old-school cartoons except amplified; their personalities were exaggerations of their traditional cartoon personas, the fights were better than anything the old animation could have delivered, and the new characters they introduced were actually badass instead of being fucking pokemon like I figured they would be. My only (I think only) criticism would be that I wish Donnie and Mike had bigger parts in the move. And that Casie Jones didn't listen to emo. Oh and who new that April knows how to fight? Anyone?
-Josh C
stranger than fiction
stranger than fiction: A-
i really loved the writing in this movie. the characters were brought to life by top notch acting including dustin hoffman as a coffee swilling literature professor, stealing the show with his on point performance. hell, this was one movie starring will ferrel where i didnt want to strangle him the whole time. by the end, i actually... liked his character. solid, bold cinemetography, symbolism that isnt to cryptic, but effective... all around good. shoulda been an A, but... i still dont like will ferrel.
-Big Red
i really loved the writing in this movie. the characters were brought to life by top notch acting including dustin hoffman as a coffee swilling literature professor, stealing the show with his on point performance. hell, this was one movie starring will ferrel where i didnt want to strangle him the whole time. by the end, i actually... liked his character. solid, bold cinemetography, symbolism that isnt to cryptic, but effective... all around good. shoulda been an A, but... i still dont like will ferrel.
-Big Red
Disturbia
Disturbia: C-
You never saw the killer kill in the movie.... it was such a strange mixture of teen romance bullshit and new age thriller bullshit, that I couldn't get mad at either aspect of the bullshit.
-Anton Voorhees
You never saw the killer kill in the movie.... it was such a strange mixture of teen romance bullshit and new age thriller bullshit, that I couldn't get mad at either aspect of the bullshit.
-Anton Voorhees
Smoking Aces
Smoking Aces: C-
Its like Snatch for Yankee wankers. Following a typical Guy Ritchie formula, theme-based killers are locked in a blood soaked rat-race with really loud music and gritty photography. Meh. Double meh. The movie was pretty cool until the fucking emo ending gave me a brain tumor like a generation Z fetus downloading an AFI ringtone. Some of the characters were cool, but the movie as a whole is a played out cliche and would've been cool if it came out 20 years ago. Overacted, loud, predictable, and full of Piven being Piven at his most Pivenest. This is a must for fans of Ben Affleck, whoever you are...
-Josh C
Its like Snatch for Yankee wankers. Following a typical Guy Ritchie formula, theme-based killers are locked in a blood soaked rat-race with really loud music and gritty photography. Meh. Double meh. The movie was pretty cool until the fucking emo ending gave me a brain tumor like a generation Z fetus downloading an AFI ringtone. Some of the characters were cool, but the movie as a whole is a played out cliche and would've been cool if it came out 20 years ago. Overacted, loud, predictable, and full of Piven being Piven at his most Pivenest. This is a must for fans of Ben Affleck, whoever you are...
-Josh C
Do You Like Hitchcock?
Do You Like Hitchcock: C+
When complete-fucking-loser-except-for-his-hot-girlfriend Italian film student Julio starts living a Hitchcock movie in real life, paranoia and delerium motivate him to adapt a detective role and kickstart an attempt to foil the killer who prowls his hood. That's basically it. With VERY minimal gore for an Argento flick, a crop of tits, countless mini-homages, and pretty lame acting. As much as you want to dismiss the movie as boring or over-campy, you can't, because even if you don't want to admit it: there is a dimension of suspence that transcends the straight-to-dvd shittyness of the film. Also, there is a fucking retarded moped car chase.
-Josh C
When complete-fucking-loser-except-for-his-hot-girlfriend Italian film student Julio starts living a Hitchcock movie in real life, paranoia and delerium motivate him to adapt a detective role and kickstart an attempt to foil the killer who prowls his hood. That's basically it. With VERY minimal gore for an Argento flick, a crop of tits, countless mini-homages, and pretty lame acting. As much as you want to dismiss the movie as boring or over-campy, you can't, because even if you don't want to admit it: there is a dimension of suspence that transcends the straight-to-dvd shittyness of the film. Also, there is a fucking retarded moped car chase.
-Josh C
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The Departed
The Departed: A
Cat and mouse who's who gangster flick with sufficient double-triple-quadruple crosses and Boston testosterone to feed even the most depleted 21st century attention span. Leonardo Dicaprio plays a criminal playing a cop playing a criminal trying to infiltrate a Boston mob syndicate under the umbrella of protection of Matt Damon's character, a cop playing a criminal playing a cop. But...who's the bad guy? This movie fortifies Martin Scorsese's position as one of the supreme directors of our time as he helps keep alive one of the most traditional American genres of all time. Great direction, acting, writing, soundtrack, lighting...
-Josh C
Cat and mouse who's who gangster flick with sufficient double-triple-quadruple crosses and Boston testosterone to feed even the most depleted 21st century attention span. Leonardo Dicaprio plays a criminal playing a cop playing a criminal trying to infiltrate a Boston mob syndicate under the umbrella of protection of Matt Damon's character, a cop playing a criminal playing a cop. But...who's the bad guy? This movie fortifies Martin Scorsese's position as one of the supreme directors of our time as he helps keep alive one of the most traditional American genres of all time. Great direction, acting, writing, soundtrack, lighting...
-Josh C
A Dead Calling
A Dead Calling: D
The acting in this horror flick was actually decent, it's just too bad the story was sodding horrible. Highlights include the main chick's giant eyes hypnotizing you into thinking she's attractive and cameo's from sid haig and bill moseley of house of 1k corpses and devil's rejects fame. Lowlights include just about everything else.
-MilkmanDan
The acting in this horror flick was actually decent, it's just too bad the story was sodding horrible. Highlights include the main chick's giant eyes hypnotizing you into thinking she's attractive and cameo's from sid haig and bill moseley of house of 1k corpses and devil's rejects fame. Lowlights include just about everything else.
-MilkmanDan
Zombie Nation
Zombie Nation: UV
maybe i needed to stay awake for this movie, but the insides of my eyelids was the only harborage............ from this fucking piece of SHIT!
-MilkmanDan
maybe i needed to stay awake for this movie, but the insides of my eyelids was the only harborage............ from this fucking piece of SHIT!
-MilkmanDan
Lady in the Water
Lady in the Water: B-
Personally I hate M. Night Shyamalan's fuckin' name, what the hell does the "M" stand for? Mystery? i hope it's something stupid like Mango. or fuckin' Margaret. what i don't hate are his movies however. His writing skills are neat and slow, intriguing enough to keep you attentive to spot twists early so you can be the life of the party when you say "oh emm gee, i liek totally saw that coming." This flick had more of a sentimental script that tried to be inspiring, but came off a little laughable.
See it just to "see" it though. His directing skills are still possibly in my top 10.
-MilkmanDan
Personally I hate M. Night Shyamalan's fuckin' name, what the hell does the "M" stand for? Mystery? i hope it's something stupid like Mango. or fuckin' Margaret. what i don't hate are his movies however. His writing skills are neat and slow, intriguing enough to keep you attentive to spot twists early so you can be the life of the party when you say "oh emm gee, i liek totally saw that coming." This flick had more of a sentimental script that tried to be inspiring, but came off a little laughable.
See it just to "see" it though. His directing skills are still possibly in my top 10.
-MilkmanDan
Click
Click: B-
Basically, adam sandler gets a universal remote that controls uh,....... durh the universe. It's not that hard of a concept to grasp so i won't elaborate.
Anyway i'm happy to say it's more of an old-school Adam Sandler comedy flick
than a "anger management" "longest yard" big name comedy
anyway
christopher walken is gold as usual and
I would fuck Kate Bosworth to near death (hopefully mine before hers seeing as how that might just be the pinacle...
-MilkmanDan
Basically, adam sandler gets a universal remote that controls uh,....... durh the universe. It's not that hard of a concept to grasp so i won't elaborate.
Anyway i'm happy to say it's more of an old-school Adam Sandler comedy flick
than a "anger management" "longest yard" big name comedy
anyway
christopher walken is gold as usual and
I would fuck Kate Bosworth to near death (hopefully mine before hers seeing as how that might just be the pinacle...
-MilkmanDan
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Mirrormask
Mirrormask: D
Even Niel Gaiman's creativity can't save this Brittish CGI fairy tale noir about a teenage circus girl trapped in a Tim Burtonish fantasy realm composed of polygons and bad acting. This then beckons the question: Is Gaiman too complex for the screen? He might be. People curious about this movie should reread their favorite Sandman comics and save precious moments that I unfortuneately wasted following Helena on her journey through the mirror realm which, by the way, looks like it borrowed its special effects from a Gieco commercial.
-Josh C
Even Niel Gaiman's creativity can't save this Brittish CGI fairy tale noir about a teenage circus girl trapped in a Tim Burtonish fantasy realm composed of polygons and bad acting. This then beckons the question: Is Gaiman too complex for the screen? He might be. People curious about this movie should reread their favorite Sandman comics and save precious moments that I unfortuneately wasted following Helena on her journey through the mirror realm which, by the way, looks like it borrowed its special effects from a Gieco commercial.
-Josh C
La Jetee, Vertigo, 12 Monkeys.
La Jetee- A
Vertigo- A+
Twelve Monkeys- A
A triple feature to be reckoned with for sure. These three films are pure cinematic genius to behold.
First off, "La Jetee" the predecessor to "Vertigo" and "Twelve Monkeys" is an amazing french film told through through stills of a confused time traveller and his circular exploration through his own life's journey. Visually it could almost be a music video in it's narrative form but the picture is throughout narrated by the Time traveller. This film laid the groundwork for what became Terry Gilliam's "Twelve Monkeys." In short artistic and intriguing.
Next comes "Vertigo" the Alfred Hitchcock classic that reportedly was the film closest to his heart. Set in San Francisco and the greater Bay Area, James Stewart portrays a detective plagued with the affliction of vertigo sadly forcing him to retire his badge for fear of accountability. Meanwhile Kim Novak plays the wife of an old school chum who hires newly retired Jim Stewart to follow her and dig up information on her daily activities. Upon following her he discovers she has developed a second identity . . .
Finally we triangulate our filmfest with "Twelve Monkeys" starring Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe and Frank Gorshin of Batman fame. A glorified feature length version of "La Jatee," Terry Gilliam combines elements of his own vision, "Vertigo" and La Jatee to tell the story of a time traveller who is sent to the surface of a post-apocalyptic world in our possible future to trace and discover when and how a terrorist group known as the Twelve Monkeys released a deadly virus on the world wiping out the majority of life as we know it.
All films well complement one another and if viewed in the order suggested make for a great motion picture experience.
-Aussie Bridger
Vertigo- A+
Twelve Monkeys- A
A triple feature to be reckoned with for sure. These three films are pure cinematic genius to behold.
First off, "La Jetee" the predecessor to "Vertigo" and "Twelve Monkeys" is an amazing french film told through through stills of a confused time traveller and his circular exploration through his own life's journey. Visually it could almost be a music video in it's narrative form but the picture is throughout narrated by the Time traveller. This film laid the groundwork for what became Terry Gilliam's "Twelve Monkeys." In short artistic and intriguing.
Next comes "Vertigo" the Alfred Hitchcock classic that reportedly was the film closest to his heart. Set in San Francisco and the greater Bay Area, James Stewart portrays a detective plagued with the affliction of vertigo sadly forcing him to retire his badge for fear of accountability. Meanwhile Kim Novak plays the wife of an old school chum who hires newly retired Jim Stewart to follow her and dig up information on her daily activities. Upon following her he discovers she has developed a second identity . . .
Finally we triangulate our filmfest with "Twelve Monkeys" starring Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe and Frank Gorshin of Batman fame. A glorified feature length version of "La Jatee," Terry Gilliam combines elements of his own vision, "Vertigo" and La Jatee to tell the story of a time traveller who is sent to the surface of a post-apocalyptic world in our possible future to trace and discover when and how a terrorist group known as the Twelve Monkeys released a deadly virus on the world wiping out the majority of life as we know it.
All films well complement one another and if viewed in the order suggested make for a great motion picture experience.
-Aussie Bridger
Nick Fury: Agent of Shield
Nick Fury: Agent of Shield - UV
I don't even know where to start the bashing of this piece of shit. Episodes of "Eerie, Indiana" had better quality and fewer mistakes than this. Hasslehoff not only sucks in his portrale of Nick Fury, he also doesn't know how to smoke a cigar. The villaness acted like a star from a 80's soap opera with a terribly underdone german accent that was so bad I'd apologize to Nazis for insulting their culture. You could see Hasslehoffs eye through his eye patch. This was to "good" what Shindler's List was to "romantic comedy."
-Anton Voorhees
I don't even know where to start the bashing of this piece of shit. Episodes of "Eerie, Indiana" had better quality and fewer mistakes than this. Hasslehoff not only sucks in his portrale of Nick Fury, he also doesn't know how to smoke a cigar. The villaness acted like a star from a 80's soap opera with a terribly underdone german accent that was so bad I'd apologize to Nazis for insulting their culture. You could see Hasslehoffs eye through his eye patch. This was to "good" what Shindler's List was to "romantic comedy."
-Anton Voorhees